Sing Me Anything

10.14.2014

waiting.

4 days until our due date. I'm on maternity leave, and this morning I'm recovering from a weird 4-hour flu bug I had during the night. Lying on the couch, drinking oj and eating toast, watching movies and napping. And blogging, because there's not much else to do when your midwife tells you to lie around and get rest, because no one wants to have the flu and be in labor simultaneously.

I've been having some non-Braxton Hicks contractions over the last week, so things are slowly happening. But I really don't have any idea when the big show will take place. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow--we'll see what she says, but for now, we're just...waiting.

I find it strange to have this unknown amount of time stretching ahead of me--I'll never have a "vacation" like this again. If there's a kiddo #2, there will be a kiddo #1 to take care of during a maternity leave. So I really just get to do whatever the heck I want while I wait.

Enough boring writing. Pictures!

37 weeks, 2 days (September 29)

Philip assembles the crib

Modeling my new Moby wrap from Al!

39 weeks (October 11)

Philip's winter wheat patch

Studly farmer with his freshly planted wheat berries

Nursery progress!

Now to wash and put away the rest of the baby's things! Maybe tomorrow...

9.19.2014

36 weeks! (Yay! And...eek!)

36 weeks tomorrow. That means we should really be installing the carseat this weekend and maybe have a little bit more of our birth plan completed. And while I've been thinking a lot about labor and natural childbirth, we haven't really practiced any of the techniques yet, except in birth class. Hmm. And our crib hasn't arrived yet, so that's not set up, and we don't really have anything on the walls in the nursery, and we still need a diaper pail and some sort of open storage for diapers and accessories. Oh, and we should decide whose insurance the kiddo will be on.

But here's what we HAVE gotten done (mostly in the last week!):

Washed all of the baby clothes and blankets we have (so far)
Stocked the pantry and freezer with healthy and easy-to-cook foods (we'll see if I actually assemble any freezer meals in the next few weeks)
Decided to hire the doula we interviewed (yay!)
Decided that I need a longer maternity leave and that I won't go back to school until after Christmas break.
Found a wonderful nearby nanny that we can afford!
Decided that Philip would take Mondays off for several weeks (!!!) after I return to work so that he can have some daddy time with Foetus.
(Also, our kiddo is nicknamed Foetus. Kendra used it once and the name stuck. Readers should take note that this is a term of endearment much more than simply a British version of the more scientific "fetus." And once we know whether Foetus is a boy or a girl, the name will change.)

In other words, we've gotten a lot of the most mentally and emotionally worrisome stuff out of the way. And I feel MUCH better. I've been pretty stressed the last 2-3 months about childcare and maternity leave, and now that we've made decisions and adjustments, it's a load off my mind.

Pictures!

34 weeks (Sept. 6)

35 weeks (Sept. 13)

The cradle has been hanging out by my side of the bed. I've only injured myself a few times...

Mom made the bumpers and the sheets for the mattress! Aren't they gorgeous?

Changing table (my old dresser handed down from Bepa)

Items stored temporarily in closet

Cozy nursing nook (we'll work on the cozy factor)

Sign from my baby shower; and hopefully the carseat will not be in here past tomorrow!

The to-do list I wrote after lying awake for several hours

And now for some non-baby-related pictures!

Philip's first day of school! (Sept. 3)

We purchased a wall mount for our TV so our fireplace would be accessible. We cover it when we're not using it (thanks for the idea, Al!)

8.26.2014

day 1: a different take

First day of school!

Today I began my 8th first day of school as a teacher. At this point in my career, first days are slightly less nerve-wracking than they were when I first started out...but only slightly. I still talked too fast, looked at my first day notes more than at my students' faces (of course, having 15-minute classes on day makes their faces a blur anyway), sweated profusely, and choked on my words because my throat was dry.

The main difference this year is that I'm part-time and don't have full homeroom teacher responsibilities. I didn't have the "are all of my kids behaving and making me look like a good teacher?" anxiety during convocation. I didn't tune out the speaker (good thing, since it was my principal!), thinking about everything in the handbook I need to point out to my kids in the next half hour. I could just relax and enjoy the beginning-of-the-year celebration.

Part-time teaching has already been an adjustment. I was planning to sleep in a little this morning (because I could!), but when I woke up at 5, I gave up on going in to school "later." I wanted to be there this morning with all the anxious and excited energy that flows in a middle school on Day 1. It's exhausting, but I love it.

I even found myself staying for an hour after school let out to prepare for tomorrow. Did I need to stay that long? Probably not. My body was telling me to go home and take a nap. I was physically exhausted (and warm. Like, REALLY warm. This baby is an oven, I'm telling you.) I eventually left and crashed, like I normally do on Day 1.

But tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I really won't need to be at school before 10, and I'll get to leave before everyone else does. Reality will start sinking in that I'm part-time. I don't get to teach 7th graders anymore; I'm not even teaching a drama elective this semester. I have one prep. ONE. And that's awesome! But still a little sad, since I loved full-time teaching. I loved knowing 5/6 of the students in the downstairs hallways. Now more of them will be strangers for longer.

I'm reminding myself that it's ok to mourn the loss of full-time work, even if it's what I have chosen. I'll miss being crazily caught up and absorbed with teaching. I know I'll still have plenty of school work to do, especially when our kiddo arrives and our lives are turned upside down (for the better). But today, I'm just going to let myself miss my old full-time job.

So, goodbye, full-time teaching, until we meet again.

8.11.2014

all things new

I've been thinking lately about how our lives are changing this year:

Housing: We bought our first house and got the keys one month ago today. We said goodbye to living with dear friends and are moving into the next phase: home ownership. We've been busily making changes, unpacking, making messes and (mostly) cleaning them up, and adding countless items to our to-do list. We're making multiple weekly trips to hardware stores and spending scary amounts of money on adult things like windows and insulation. And we're learning we have to be content with having lots of ongoing and "someday" projects.

Jobs: Philip is in the same school district this year, but teaching a new grade. He's moving from 5th grade to 4th grade, which will bring new curriculum, standards, and mentor teachers. I'm moving down to part-time, which will also be an adjustment. I'm losing my 7th grade language arts classes and teaching only 8th language arts. I've spent most of the last decade identifying myself as a teacher, and it's strange to be letting go of pieces of that identity.

Celebrating 5 years of marriage (June 27)

Parenthood: The reality of having a baby around is starting to hit. We're taking a birth class, slowly setting up a nursery, and increasing the number of times we're seeing our midwife as our due date draws nearer. I met with a potential child-care-giver this morning, and the logistics of working part-time and being a full-time mother are daunting.

28 weeks, 5 days

We're not sure how to process all of these changes, except to keep moving and looking ahead, all the while resting in the hope that God walks beside us in all things. Bring on the future!

11.26.2013

a fall post

November is almost gone, but I have pictures from October to share!

For our Harvest Halloween party,

we dressed up as Little Fashion-Blind Riding Hood

and The Big Plaid Wolf.

I had to be on the lookout all night for This Guy.

Autumnal scenes.

I love fall.

This Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for:

Good jobs for me and for Philip
A house shared with people we love!
The gift of seeing both of our families during this holiday season
That the first year of teaching doesn't last forever
Hope for the future

Happy Thanksgiving!

5.05.2013

a (non) announcement.

I am almost 30, and I am not a mother. Philip and I have been married for almost 4 years, and we are NOT PREGNANT.

And I'm okay with that.

I kinda wish the rest of the world would get over it.

In the past year, I've been asked several times whether or not I have kids, how old I am, when I'm going to have kids...but the most troublesome question is Are you pregnant?

Yesterday, I got together with a few friends who I hadn't seen in awhile, and one of them thought I might be pregnant based on what people had said to her at church. Apparently there's a rumor going around. This friend was not trying to be hurtful, she was just curious. Which made me wonder, Why are people asking if I'm pregnant?

My mind raced on the way home from that visit. Did I look pregnant? I acknowledge that I don't have the metabolism I used to, and Wally (yep, I named my gut--and Philip's is named Bernie, if you're curious--) has become a little more noticeable and a little more prominent. Did people look at me and think I looked pregnant? Should I stop wearing that really cute (maternity-esque?) shirt I found at the Missoula Goodwill last month that has an empire waist and covers up my slightly-larger-than-I'd-like belly?

Maybe that was it, maybe it wasn't. If I didn't look pregnant, why would people be talking about me that way? Did they confuse me with someone else? Or is there some rule that states that people can only be married for a year or two, and then they have to have kids? Maybe the rule is that a young teacher who is married and under thirty should be trying to have babies, because isn't that the stereotype for women who become teachers? We love children, so naturally we should want to have our own as soon as possible? (By the way, I already have 104 kids. I don't feel the need to have any more right now. And while I love my students dearly, I also really really appreciate their parents who take them back at 3:15. Thank you, parents!)

Maybe I'm a little touchy about the subject. Many of my friends and relatives have had babies within the last couple of years. It didn't really bother me until people who had been married for a shorter time than we have started having kids. Why should that bother me? Not sure. Maybe I feel defensive and am creating the need to validate my own life decisions. I do feel at times like everyone in the entire world is pregnant and there must be something wrong with me because I am not.

Gossip has always really bothered me. Not that I haven't engaged in any of it myself. But there came a point where I was incredibly sensitive to the way people talked about others in their absence. I didn't find it fun, healthy, or loving at all. I guess I figured that people grew out of that after a certain age. Apparently not. And I don't think these people (whose names I don't know, by the way--I had no desire to know where my friend heard this rumor from) meant to be unkind or insensitive. But what they did was insensitive. Because honestly, it's none of their business. This is between me, Philip, and God. Sorry, people.

What if I was really happy with my career and wasn't ready to set it aside for motherhood?
What if my husband and I disagreed about the timing of having kids?
What if we're wisely waiting until I'm not the sole breadwinner in the family?
What if we desperately wanted a baby and couldn't get pregnant?
What if we just didn't want to be parents because we felt God had called us to a different life?

And you know what? It's not really your right to know which of the above (if any) apply to my specific situation. There may be a small circle of trusted people I share that with, or maybe I'll choose to keep that between me and Philip. There are so many more constructive things you could be doing to build God's kingdom than to be idly wondering when that young English teacher at LC is going to have a baby.

Maybe you are someone who has innocently asked another person about the state of another woman's womb. Maybe you're just curious. Maybe you like sharing exciting news with other people. Or maybe you just need to mind your own business. And I mean that in the gentle reproving sort of way, not the angry-judgmental way (although that's how I felt yesterday, if I'm being honest).

So until I announce to you personally (or let's be honest, through Facebook) that I'm pregnant, don't assume. Don't speculate.
Don't question.
Just wait.

And then be joyful with me if and when I share the news.