snow days

we are on snow day #4 here in whatcom county. my three-day weekend (thanks to mlk, jr. day) turned into a nine-day weekend.

i'm not really complaining, except that this was supposed to be exam week, we were supposed to have a nice workday today to grade exams and projects and prepare report cards...and now we're pushing exams to next week.

and i also have a terrible time being motivated when i have "endless" hours to complete my tasks. tuesday was ok. i was semi-productive and enjoyed reading and watching a movie. wednesday was great: philip was home most of the day and we attacked the spare room and other projects with a vengeance. (too bad we didn't quite finish...now there are piles of stuff everywhere.)

but yesterday. ach, yesterday. it was horrible. i had things i could have done: cleaned bathrooms, scrubbed floors, organized cupboards, made a menu plan, planned for next quarter, finished the Old Testament, removed my nail polish from the october wedding, hung photographs, blogged...well, the list goes on. did i do any of these things? no. i sat in the chair almost all day, reading, napping, watching movies, and eating unhealthy foods. not that there's anything inherently evil about any of that stuff, but i certainly wasn't doing it out of enjoyment. i did it because it required very little of me and was the easiest thing to do. by the end of the day, i was super crabby and tired and annoyed with myself. knowing philip was coming home, i made a nice dinner for him and lit candles and cleaned up the apartment a bit. that's motivation right there--someone to interact with. it was a much better end to an annoyingly long and depressing day.

anyway, today has been much better. i cleaned, actually left the apartment (i did some school planning at the neighborhood coffee house), ate a healthy lunch, and did some laundry. i feel MUCH better. i'm rereading little women right now, and there's a chapter devoted to the girls' laziness and how it makes them crabby, restless, and irritable. lesson learned, little women. lesson learned.

in spite the excitement of having a few unexpected days off school, i'm ready to go back to work. i'm grateful to have a job and purpose and motivation to fulfill my tasks.

a little bit of peace

many changes since the last post. my new attitude toward the situation made the time with rod and vonnie and other family special and memorable. we said goodbye to grandpa on january 3, and commemorated his life on january 7. grandma moved down to california on january 9. and now we've had a week of a "new normal." the week was tiring and busy--we forgot what normal felt like. once or twice i thought we haven't seen grandpa and grandma in awhile--we really should stop by. and then i'd remember that that time has passed now. it's sad. but also a relief that what we'd been waiting for for several weeks happened. we're grateful for the time spent with grandpa and grandma.

grandpa & grandma at our wedding. special.

philip and i needed some together time after the last few months. the thing about living far from family is that every time we travel, it's to visit family. and we've had a year (6 months!) FULL of family. it's awesome. but a definite downside is that we don't often take time for just the two of us. we've gone away once since our honeymoon, and it's been close to a year since then. so this weekend, we planned to go away. 

well, we intended to stay overnight somewhere, and then decided to take the money we'd spend on accommodations and spend it on something else. we decided to take the ferry to friday harbor--we took the ferry that stopped at all the other major san juan islands (lopez, shaw, & orcas) so that the ride would be longer and we could see other ports. we didn't really want to stay in friday harbor for 3 1/2 hours, so we turned right back around and headed back to anacortes. on the ferry, we read, took pictures, and just relaxed. we left a cloudy mainland for a sunny friday harbor, and found sunshine when we returned to the mainland. after relaxing at home, we ate out at the big fat fish co. in fairhaven. never been there before, but it was yummy! 

a few pictures from our trip:

 stormy weather

 so peaceful (except that i was reading about war...)

 silly birds at the orcas island port

 clouds breaking

 sunny friday harbor

 sadly, we have very few pictures together. we're not really poser types, i guess.

mmmmm.

also, i've been reading books like a fiend. i've finished 5 since january 1 (four of them have been finished in the last 72 hours--this tells you how great i am at starting books...)

new year.

much has happened since my last post. thanksgiving, christmas, and a pile of visitors and stress.

let me say first that christmas was excellent. we flew to a snow-less iowa and spent 8 days immersed in family, friends, and games. it was difficult to leave again--i thought it would be easier this year, but after getting used to being back in iowa, it took a mental adjustment to be ready to come home. and home is wonderful, too. we missed ophy and our bed and our space. but being with my family was spectacular.

this break was much needed, since grandpa haveman's health has been plummeting the last two months or so. hospital stays, a move to the care center, dealing with grandma and her grief...it's been a rollercoaster. time and time again we've heard "hours to days." each time this occurs, philip's parents fly in, prepared to say goodbye again (three times since i last posted). having guests in our home is wonderful, but this kind of visit is stressful. it involves frequent trips to the hospital and/or healthcare center, and planning for meals and guests all while remaining flexible in case something happens. i really feel for my mother-in-law. i'm continually amazed at her patience and steadiness throughout this difficult time (and for my father-in-law and his support of her!)

just before leaving for iowa, philip and i stopped by to see grandpa and grandma in the care center. it was december 20: my 28th birthday and their 61st anniversary (great coincidence?) we assumed this would be our last visit with grandpa, and it was pretty special. philip had written a letter to them thanking them for being an example to us and encouraging them with scripture. i read it out loud to them, choking up a bit and feeling thankful for the time we've been able to spend with them these last three years.

i have to admit, i've been pretty stressed out about this situation which is completely out of my control. i haven't always been so hospitable or generous--i mostly feel that i want everything to be back to normal. i like my space and my routines, and having them disrupted definitely affects me and the way i act toward others. but this weekend (with my in-laws here again), i've heard a good sermon reminding me of God's forgiveness of my actions, inactions, and general sinfulness, and remembering that God has a purpose for this time. i know he's preparing me for other things in my future, and this is a time i can either use to be frustrated and selfish, or it's a time to give generously even when i feel i can't. ultimately, i am remembering that i can do nothing on my own, but only through Christ's strength.

it's a new year. i'm praying for God to transform me (again). i like january. fresh start. simplifying. low-key? i can hope. i'm grateful to take this life day by day.

also, an excellent book: sitting at the feet of rabbi jesus by ann spangler and lois tverberg. it's changing my perspective of the old testament, which hasn't always been so positive. looking forward to gleaning more from it.

one little word

this morning, i said no.

choir has been nuts lately. we're singing great music, but suddenly one of the songs we're singing (an opera) has turned into a huge stage production. i'm only worried because i'm on the board of directors and had no idea this was happening. also, it's costing tons o' money.

ok, fine. if the board is ok with spending lots of money on what is sure to be a great concert, fine with me. that's great. however, i volunteered to be part of the stage chorus. all we have to do is memorize the song and be part of the scenery. oh. and wear costumes. very specific costumes. that we're supposed to try to come up with on our own. oh. and we're expected to be at three additional rehearsals, bringing the number of choir commitments in 8 days up to SIX. plus, it's just been very disorganized. rehearsals randomly dismissing early so the opera can be practiced (although no one officially tells us this, we just figure it out after having a break and seeing other people pack up music and head home).

well, last night, i was feeling overly overwhelmed. this is the way i emote: i don't realize anything's been bothering me until one thing tips the scale, and suddenly i have a list of 15 things that are stressing me out. i actually sat down last night, in tears, and wrote down everything that was bothering me. 14 out of the 15 things i couldn't really control.

the one i could control? being part of the stage chorus. so this morning i emailed our volunteer stage director and put in my resignation.

i'm looking forward to the concert so much more now. and december in general. i'm determined that the christmas season will only be as busy as i allow it to be. it feels good to have those three evenings back. maybe some people out there love bopping from party to party and commitment to commitment, but the thought of it makes me shudder.

so tonight, in celebration, a glass of wine. and some this old house with my kind husband and tubby kitty.

couch time: my booklist

i've been on the couch all weekend. as in, i have not even brushed my teeth today (and it's 5:17 p.m.) ick. i have a cold, have used up 1 1/2 rolls of toilet paper (on my nose!), and have books scattered all over the floor next to me. it's a messy life, being sick.

however, this gave me the chance to work through some of the 6 books i got from the library last week (ok, 2 of them were comic books). in the past few days, i have read the following:

• letters to a young calvinist by james k.a. smith
  

this short book gave great insight on what the calvinist tradition is all about. i appreciated reading through it, since growing up in the calvinist tradition sometimes meant being too close to it to really understand. i basked in the terminology and knowledge outlined in the book and realized again what a solid tradition i come from (although the pride swelling up is exactly what smith warns about!)

• rose daughter by robin mckinley
  

recommended by al, my super-reading sister. a retelling of beauty and the beast involving magic, three sisters, and roses. i got a little lost in some of the history of the beast and his curse, but the story was still wonderfully romantic and happy.

• light from heaven by jan karon
  

somehow, i had read the entire mitford series except for this book. not sure how that happened. i always feel cozy and uplifted when i read the mitford books, and this delightful title was no exception. i laughed out loud, i teared up...it moved me.

• love wins by rob bell
  

i will admit i love reading controversial books to see what the fuss is about. this book has been controversial because of bell's questions about heaven and hell and judgment and does God really send people to hell forever without giving them further chances? many have accused bell of being a universalist, but i think those people need to carefully read the book before they make a judgment call like that. bell definitely shook my long-held beliefs and asks good questions. i don't always agree with his argument, but it's certainly a compelling book. he makes a good point about our questions: God can handle them. no matter what question we have, it's not too "outside the box" or "scary" for God. so ask questions.

• ezekiel
  

we're up to ezekiel in our small group Bible reading. never read this book all the way through. some crazy stuff: ezekiel lying on one side for 390 days, then on his other side for 40, the vision of the wheel in a wheel (causing me to sing, of course), the valley of dry bones, the judgments...and over and over again, God says, "then they will know that i am the Lord." i think that phrase is used something like 65 times in the book. i've been underlining it. it's a lot. i was pretty shocked when God announced ezekiel's wife was going to die and he was not allowed to mourn for her. i have hard times when i read stuff like that. so glad we're reading through the Bible with small group. i'm learning.


i just began the clockwork three by matthew j. kirby. it's an adolescent novel involving three orphaned children whose stories intertwine in an unexpected way. i'm only two chapters in, but i'm going to keep reading. i'm also reading one thousand gifts by ann voskamp. mom and i are reading it together and discussing it. good, meaty spiritual stuff so far.

what's on your list?

color trip

last weekend, philip & i took a color trip up towards baker. taking color trips is a van dyken tradition which i was glad to add to our traditions. it was a beautiful day, and while we didn't really see as much color as we were hoping, it was a great time of reconnecting and enjoying God's spectacular creation.

On our way!

Ok, so this color is in the middle of town. Still pretty!

Beautiful day!

Blue skies

Mount Baker Hwy

Peeking peaks

Creepy tree

 

 

 

it was an awesome day. we also stopped in maple falls at slide mountain restaurant--a hole-in-the-wall type place with yummy chicken strips and fries. mmmm. after the busy california wedding weekend, reconnecting was a must, and this was a happy way to do it.

ten years later

i was 17, a senior in high school. i was in my car in the dordt parking lot after dutch class, waiting for andrew kroeze and dan de jong to get out of calculus so that we could head to unity for the day. i flipped on the radio, looking for some music. i heard a news blip saying, "planes crashed into the towers." i stayed on the station to hear more. i remember thinking, "this can't be real. how could this happen?" more details came about the crash at the pentagon. i couldn't believe it.

when dan and andrew got to the car, i updated them. i don't remember their reactions or the car ride to school. but i remember school that day. in every classroom (even the lunchroom), the tv was turned to the news. over and over again, the planes were crashing into the twin towers. the scrolling news at the bottom continued to update the estimated death toll. we managed to get through classes, not learning much about math and spanish as much as learning our world was now unsafe.

in the week to come, i remember huddling on the videorocker in mom's sewing room, tv remote in hand, eyes glued to cnn. i couldn't stop watching the scrolling news.

each time i flew, i was grateful for the added security. i knew it meant that we were safer, that weapons couldn't be making it onto the aircraft. i'm embarrassed to say that i found myself occasionally profiling other passengers, worried each time i saw them get up and move to the bathroom at the front of the plane. were they going to hijack it?

fast forward to friday, september 9, 2011.  i was listening to npr on the way to work. friday morning is story corps time, where one person interviews another (usually a family member) about some part of their life. today, of course, they were previewing stories told about 9/11. i teared up when a little boy broke down sharing about his grandfather who died in the attacks. i realized how remote my experience of 9/11 truly was. i only felt the horror second-hand, sympathy going towards those who'd felt the loss keenly, who are still feeling the loss.

on friday, the writing prompt i gave my students asked them what was the significance of 9/11 for them. i expected that they would know exactly what i was talking about, so i was surprised when a student responded, "i'm not really sure what happened on 9/11. was that the one with the planes?" these kids were 3 or 4 on that day. they don't know anything first-hand about it. another student asked, "how did the hijackers get weapons through the security?" he didn't realize that the current amount of security at airports was a direct result of 9/11. one student asked me to share where i was on 9/11. i shared my story, remembering conversations with my dad about where he was when kennedy was shot. had i become the adult with first-hand knowledge about significant historical events? honestly, i never thought it would happen.

i'm not sure what i'm trying to say. i just wanted to put words down for the sake of remembering those lost on 9/11. and i look forward to the day that we don't need to be fearful of anything anymore. until then, i will try, day by day, to surrender my fears and worries to God. he does not want us to live in fear, or act in fear. we are to live and act in trust and faith, and to be a blessing to those around us, whoever they are.